


Should Be Waiting For The Sun; Blooper Reel

by Honey_Rae_Pluto, softnsquishable



Series: Is This The World We Created [1]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Attempt, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:42:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Rae_Pluto/pseuds/Honey_Rae_Pluto, https://archiveofourown.org/users/softnsquishable/pseuds/softnsquishable
Summary: Just a collection of the short extras and off cuts from the original story, with some added bonuses that introduce the other children etc
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Series: Is This The World We Created [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004913
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	1. June 1970

It had been a week since that awful Saturday night, and Freddie still didn’t know what to make of it all.

Roger was in a stable condition, although Freddie couldn’t see how. He supposed he’d have to tell him the news, that the baby wasn’t there anymore. It made him sick to think things had gotten to the point of there even being a baby. The things Tim had done, the things he’d missed; it was terrifying.

What if he hadn’t been at that gig? Would Roger have died? Tim probably wouldn’t have stopped his attack, or maybe he would and Roger would have ended up trapped in a loveless claim. He should have noticed earlier, should’ve listened to his instincts that told him Tim was rotten.

Freddie glanced up and Brian, the taller Dom picking at the skin on his thumb that by now was starting to bleed from the constant nervous picking. He still had a yellowing black eye, the cut on his lip was almost healed though - not that he had ever managed to look tough. Still, Freddie had seen nothing like it, if it hadn’t been for Roger nearly dying in his arms he would’ve been staring wide-eyed as the razor thin guitarist completely threw Tim (who matched Brian’s height easily, but was naturally broader and better built) off and onto the ground.

At first he'd been hesitant to let Brian near the blond. He'd just be as violent as Tim, Freddie wondered if he was going to be going after Roger. But the older Dom just sat by his side and waited. Eventually Freddie relaxed a bit, letting Brian watch over Roger while he went to get washed up.

Freddie saw him now, after having shoved some food in front him, Brian had barely taken his eyes of Roger, making sure he looked comfortable and that someone who knew about what was going on was keeping an eye on what the doctors were saying.

Fred decided then and there that Brian was okay. He'd look after Roger.


	2. Chapter 2

"Does it ever bother you?" Freddie asked after a long time, holding Roger against him in the dark.

"Hmm?" Roger mumbled, half asleep again him. He'd crawled into his bed a while ago now, seeking out Freddie's absurd body heat that cold November. And the comfort, it wasn't a scent he was particularly attracted to, but it was one he could relax with, just settle quietly knowing he was safe. "What bothers me?"

"The baby… the one you…" lost. The one he lost.

They hadn't really talked about it, it was something that fell into the background a lot. A taboo. 

But somehow in the dark that night it felt okay to ask. 

"A bit…" Roger said after a hard pause, "It's easier to forget though. It… sorted things out."

"I guess," Freddie nodded a little, "It was still your child.'

That made Roger pause. He'd thought about it, he could've raised the baby if it hadn't been how it was. He could've had his little girl by his side, and she (he assumed it was a girl, it had been to early to tell) wouldn't have been anything like her father. She would've been spoiled by her uncle Freddie for sure, and no doubt Brian would drag the poor soul to some awful star gazing night, but that was the image he wanted. His little lost girl, all loved up by those around him, a secret in his head he didn't want to share. Forever just a blurry image of a blond toddler running in a field, stars up ahead and a silly silk scarf around her shoulders.

That's all he'd allow himself to imagine. Just the flickers that had come to him in a fever dream. Nothing more. Not for his lost baby.

"I couldn't have managed it, not even if Tim was normal I couldn't have. It would've ruined everything with the band, and school, and no Dom would ever go near a single mum never mind one that was never claimed."

"I could've claimed you, if it would keep you safe I'd do it." Freddie insisted, "Until you found a Dom you really loved. One that deserves you."

"No, Freddie, you need to be able to find a sub too, I wouldn't forgive myself for crushing your chances… it's not like I'm going to find anyone to want me now."

For all their fun and games, their childish bullying and teasing, the constant laughter and jokes, there was a deep end. Normally they ignored it, both of them - mutually aware of its existence. But every now and then, when the drinks had ran dry or a cold creeping dispair had grabbed one of them, they ventured into the waters. Cause the demons weren't as bad then.

Freddie held him tighter, rubbing his back in soothing circles, "You'll be so loved one day, okay? You will. I'm never wrong and you know it. Just you wait."

"You think?" Roger tilted his head up, he couldn't see Freddie in the dark anyway, "Alphas don't tend to like subs with my history."

"I'm sure there is someone," Freddie knew for certain Brian wouldn't mind whatever Roger had been through, and whether the guitarist knew it himself or not, but Freddie could see it in the way he watched Roger, something was brewing. "Probably just minutes away too."

"I…" there was no point arguing with Freddie. Not if he wanted to actually get some sleep. "Of course, dear."


	3. April 1973

Brian wanted to snap at all three of his band members. He was used to John and Roger doing their own thing, but Freddie? He just seemed to be fidgeting instead of working.

Maybe he shouldn't be so harsh, he knew why Freddie was nervous, they'd talked about it nights before, the older man was planning to ask John for courtship. 

Brian hadn't been able to offer much advice, for all him and Roger were courting it felt as if they were further apart now than ever before.

Brian glanced across at his sub, watching him smile and poke John. He looked so happy. Happier than when he was around.

Part of him wanted to blame the medication, or the stress or something. But it was so obviously him that was the problem. Brian loved Roger with everything, now his relationship was lying around him, fragile and breaking because he didn't know what Roger wanted.

He didn't know what he wanted.

He could just leave, he could just take off. Roger could find a Dom he deserved, be happy all the time. He'd at least be happy knowing that. Brian was just being selfish staying.

But he couldn't bring himself to run. He woke up next to Roger every morning and before the glares and coldness could even creep in he felt right. He knew their interactions would hurt, but just for that fraction of a second in the morning, when the light had yet to enter and sleep still lay over them; he felt happy. He felt the same love that drives the pen to paper and pick to string.

The same love that makes him want to run away and run towards him.

"We're all going for a smoke." John told him. He hadn't even seen Freddie and Roger leave, never mind John walk up to him. It had just passed him by.  
"Yeah, okay," he nodded, "I'll be here."

He watched the bassist go. If he took the other door now they wouldn't notice for hours, he could just drive away. He could just keep driving, wait until he found a way out.

Would they notice even then? He hoped not, he didn't want to think of Roger being sad, not when he was doing so well and recovering from all that business with Tim.

He shook his head, hearing them come back from the quick smoke break. No need to go there today.

He'd save that train of thought for night time.


	4. August 1973

“Is he asleep?” John still had his own eyes closed, the covers pulled up tight around him as his husband crept into the bed again.

“I doubt it,” Freddie sighed, nestling himself in John’s warmth. “He’s stopped crying now, tucked up in bed with some hoodies around him.”

That was their routine now, wake up whenever Roger had nightmares, make sure he was safe; keeping him surrounded by jumpers and shirts that still had Brian’s smell around them. It was like having a child of their own in many ways, John mused, they fed him, made sure he was sleeping, looked after him.

All because that bastard had fucked off.

Freddie was a bit less harsh about it, never using the word unstable, but it was implied. John didn't believe that for a moment, he'd just done a runner.

Now they were picking up the pieces.

"I'll have breakfast for you both in the morning, it'll be more than yesterday, got paid for once, the mechanics I mean. Not EMI."

"Thank you, darling," Freddie kissed the back of his neck, "I've picked up some work doing dishes, just at Heathrow, but it should take the strain off it a bit."

"...Maybe we shouldn't have left him alone for so long, while we claimed," John mused, quietly, "It's not done him much good, we were only away three days but-"

"He's happy for us, you know that," Freddie shushed him, "We were gone three days. We phoned him every night. He's just getting over, you know, HIM."

"I'm just worried," John sighed, "Nothing is going to plan."

"It will-"

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, I can feel it… I'll take you somewhere nice one day. A proper honeymoon place by the sun, just you and me, and whatever little ones we have. I'll spoil you rotten, just like you deserve."

He didn't have the energy to point out the flaws with that plan, lack of money being the main one, he didn't really want to tear down that dream either, not when Freddie had it so built.

"Get some sleep, babe," John turned to kiss his jaw, "I'll have your things ready in the morning."

***

He couldn’t sleep well, not that night. He could probably blame the baby: It was the cause of frequent bathroom trips, lots of heartburn, and they often didn’t sleep when he did. But Roger felt like regardless of his physical condition he wasn’t going to be able to sleep well for a long time. It wasn’t the same without Brian around.

Not that they’d been cuddling too much lately. Roger had made a lot of excuses for it, which wasn’t easy, especially when he was absolutely yearning for the touch, scent and warmth of his alpha pressed against him. At least he’d been able to see Brian then, though, having breakfast or relaxing together at the studio, anything was better than nothing. 

Now it was actually over. 

Roger wandered around the room quietly. He settled by the window, looking up at the starry sky. Granted, the smog was pretty bad, but the brightest flickers shone through, as the moon did, lighting up the area outside. The stars made him think of Brian, of course. Was he looking up at the same sky now?

“I feel like I’ve really messed up,” he said softly to no one. “Maybe I should’ve said something sooner. Maybe it would’ve been better. Or maybe I could’ve just ended it when I had the chance-”

That got him a firm little foot in his lungs, making him wheeze for a moment. Right, what was he thinking? He rubbed over the bump gently to try and apologize.   
“You’re never going to know him, and it’s all my bloody fault,” he continued, now more to the bump than no one. “Poor little bastard you are. I’m sorry I’ve messed everything up for you. I hope I can give you a decent life. I won’t be able to spoil you like I’ve always dreamed of but… well, if I can just make you happy, keep you fed and clothed and always feeling loved, that’s what I want to do. I’m gonna try, okay? I won’t be perfect, but I’ll try.”

He sat back a bit against the sill, feeling a little shiver up his spine. 

“Getting chilly, isn’t it? Maybe you and I can get away after you’re born, have a little break. I bet you’d fancy napping all day with mama on the beach, wouldn’t you? Fred and John and I can smother you in sun lotion and dip your little toes in the ocean. Maybe you’ll be a little water baby, that loves bath time and playing with suds and swimming. Mum and baby swim class, there’s something we can do too.”

The more he thought about it, the nicer it sounded. His heart was aching for Brian, but maybe he could manage. There were so many good memories to be made, so many milestones to go through with this new little life inside. First steps, first words, first kisses and hugs and everything. 

And Brian would miss all of it.

“Damn it.” Roger put his head in his hands, sniffling softly and shutting his eyes. “Get out. Get out of my fucking head, you twat.” 

Images of Brian rushed at him again. Brian lifting the little one up to reach the monkey bars. Brian taking a long walk with them in the woods to find badgers and hedgehogs. Brian playing the baby lullabies on the guitar, helping them play with their tiny little fingers barely fitting on the frets, but maybe they could strum with the pick while he did that bit. 

Roger was fully crying now, looking back out at the stars again. He still loved Brian. Would he always love Brian? A terrifying thought; But it certainly seemed like the case from here.

***

He laid his head on the bundle of paperwork he was carrying around, the coat keeping him half warm in the cool Parisian night.

There was a lot he'd thought about this city, the home of love and the arts and culture and scholarship. He'd often imagined he'd be here with a partner, later that image solidified to Roger, walking the blond past the Seine and sipping pointlessly expensive wine by the Eiffel tower.

He pulled himself into a ball, eyes tightly shut… Roger would love the shops and everything here, he would've taken his love to all of them if he could. Roger would have insisted they go to the Louvre, see all the cliche sights and look at the stars at night, safe in each others warmth.

He could hear some drunk fighting outside the thin walls, his French not good enough to really catch on, so he covered his ears and went back to his day dream.  
Back to the pain relief that was the dream, seeing Roger in the corner of his eye; smiling and laughing, kissing his cheek and telling him all about the latest gossip he didn't care about.

It made his head feel better to go there, into that space.

It tore out his heart every night.

The reality couldn't be further: he was wandering around doing odd jobs for Miami, collecting bits of information. He knew well enough it was just a way to keep him connected, but maybe he didn't want to let go altogether.

He was in someone's kitchen, sleeping on the floor, ready to move on the next day. Physically at least.

Mentally he was still in that awful restaurant, hearing Roger repeat those words on a loop.

It must've been over by now, the poor soul already lost, it had been nearly three months since he'd ran.

Part of him had wanted to go home, but it wouldn't be home. He couldn't face John and Freddie, their judgement, or his parents who already wanted nothing to do with him for quitting school a lifetime ago.

He certainly couldn't face Roger, whose life he had surely ruined. If he himself had survived.

No part of him thought the baby would have made it, even on the darker nights, looking at a little teddy bear in a shop window, impulse buying it just to have something… even then he was sure it was over.

It was one of those that had a little blanket attached, to keep the baby from feeling too alone. He wasn't sure when it had started working for him too.

But by now Brian had a definite plan, he had almost enough now to make a case, or for John to make the case at least. He had something with him for the baby, his baby, his and Roger's, would've been... 

But he wanted to go and get a photo of Roger, one last thing to look at.

He'd keep them close right to the end, he knew that much.


	5. October 1974

"Tom, bud, chill," Roger knew Tom was going to be cranky if he was woken up this early, a couple of hours before he normally was, especially now in the middle of December when it was still dark outside in the morning. "That's it... Nice and quiet, don't want to wake daddy up."

He'd made sure the baby monitor was off too, grabbing the baby grow he'd been hiding for the last few days, one with little space ships on it, one he'd gotten Freddie to stitch in a very special little message in.

"Dada?" Tommy looked up, stopping his attempt to get away from the new clothes, "Dada here?"

"Not yet, but this is a surprise for him, okay?" Roger tickled the sixteen month old's tummy, getting his attention just long enough to clip the last of the outfit on him, "Hopefully it goes well."

"Dada."

"The favouritism is appalling, T," Roger teased, bopping his nose. "However will you manage when I steal him away for five days? Won't you miss mama at all?"  
"Mama... Mama," Thomas reached up for his hair, "Mama."

"Good to know, love," Roger kissed his hands - no way was he letting him pull his hair again though. "Can't believe I'm getting claimed in two weeks, huh? Never thought that would happen."

Tom just watched him quietly now, big blue eyes scanning his face.

"Scary, isn't it?" Roger picked him up off the changing table, "I suppose you'll know too one day, not too soon though - if you want to play with your hedgehog teddy forever that's fine."

"Heggie." Tom nodded, clearly getting more sleepy, "want heggie."

"He's here, baby," Roger kissed the top of his head, lowering him back into the crib, next to his favourite toy, "Sleep well."

Roger smiled one last time before heading back to bed, leaving Tom to go back to sleep in his new onesie: 'world's best big brother' written across it.

***

It was a few hours before Tom woke up again, definitely hungry this time. "Dada," he knew by now where the monitor was in the room, "Wakey!"

Brian rolled over, "Someone's wanting breakfast," he sat up in bed, leaning over to kiss Roger's forehead, "I'll get you some toast too, feeling less sick?"

"I'm feeling brilliant," Roger gave his back a tap, "Go, cranky tots don't make their own cereal."

He smiled into the blanket as he hear Brian getting up, listening patiently to his footsteps as he made his way to the nursery. Roger didn't know what he'd do if this went wrong - it couldn't, not now.

Brian didn't even suspect anything, he was usually the one to get Tom up, and Roger had only been unwell very breifly the night before.

"Hey, Tommy," He flicked the light on, seeing their baby standing in his crib making grabby hands at him, "Did you sleep well?"

"Dada, up!"

"Alright... Did mummy change your pyjamas bub?" He was pretty sure he'd left Tom in a stripey two piece, "Did you want to sleep with stars on you instead, good boy."

Brian lifted him up, ruffling his hair, "Do you want to help with breakfast or give Mummy cuddles?"

"Breaka." Tom nodded, holding onto his shirt.

"Alright then... Does your onesie say something?" Brian looked at the silver letters now, "World's best..."

Oh.

OH.

"Roger!" Brian took Tom with him, completely forgetting about breakfast now. "Really?"

Roger was sat up in bed holding the test, grinning from ear to ear when he saw him, "Yeah... He's gonna be a big brother."

"Oh God," Brian just about managed not to swear in front of Tom, sitting down on the bed beside Roger, "A baby? Our baby, our second baby?"

"That's right," Roger took his hand, carefully positioning it over his flat stomach, "Our baby."

Brian pulled him in with his other arm, trapping a by now very angry Tom between them. "I'm not going anywhere... I promise. I'll be right here for the three of you."

"I know, baby," Roger smiled, "I love you "


	6. June 1975

"Tom, come here," Roger waved over the toddler, "Come and feel your brother or sister move."

"Really?" Tom put down the playing blocks, stumbling his way down towards him mum, "Bubba?"

"That's right, baby," Roger watched him scrabble onto the sofa, big blue eyes staring down the bump. "Here."

He put one of Tom's hands where the baby was kicking, feeling it kick again after. "See, they're saying hello."

Tom frowned, leaning into the bump as if he was trying to listen in, feeling the next hard kick to the side of his head (it scared him rather than hurt him).

"No hello." Tom sat back on the sofa, not looking happy at all, "No hello baby."

"That is too funny," Brian had Tom clinging to him the moment he got home, scared because of the baby.

At first he'd been worried, but after Roger's short and grumpy explanation it became apparent Tom was only scared of the bump moving.

"It's the opposite of funny." Roger crossed his arms, "That's sibling rivalry, it's the first sign no doubt."

"No bumpo." Tom had clambered onto the cushions behind him in the couch, holding onto his neck.

"You were in one of those once, Tommo," Brian reasoned, "You used to kick your mum too."

"No." Tom shook his head, completely at odds with the situation.

"Daddy's right," Roger smiled, the two curly mops opposite him where had to hold a grudge with. "You used to know when I was upset, you'd kick then."

"Was he as active as this one?" Brian was curious - he had missed all those moments. He thought perhaps Roger sometimes forgot that, so many of these milestones were new for him.

"Nothing is as active as this one." Roger shook his head, "Tom, sweetheart, they're sleeping now, why don't you feel the bump now?"

"Is move?" Tom looked at Brian, slowly making his way back round to sit on his lap.

"I don't think so, love." Brian promised, extending his own hand to touch the bump, "See?"

The toddler nodded, following suit.

"There we go, aren't you just the perfect big brother?" Roger smiled, "Good boy.”


	7. Dark verse 1970; Chapter 1

"I think your guitar is setting them off," Roger winced at a hard kick, rubbing the spot on his bump, "They're not going to just chill today clearly."

Brian looked up, gently lifting the guitar off him and onto the ground, "They probably just get stimulation from the sound. Their mumma is musical enough."

Their papa? That was a different story. At least Tim was locked up now, Brian and Freddie could keep Roger safe at home. There was a lot that had gotten messed up though, Roger was still working two jobs trying desperately to have something saved up for when the baby came.

Never felt like enough.

"I'll teach them when they're old enough," Brian told him, shifting over to sit next to him, "Can help 'em build their own if they're interested."

"Can definitely try," Roger nodded, smiling a little, "You repaired that, right? S'why it doesn't look like any other one?"

"Sort of, we kinda built it from scratch, whatever we could find and some old fire place." Brian shrugged, "Couldn't afford much else. Might've been able to save up for a cheap one, but its nicer to built it yourself. Less expensive too."

"Bloody hell," Roger looked over the guitar, then back to Brian. He was going to call bullshit, but that was exactly the kinda thing Brian would do and not have mentioned. Baby seemed to give him a little kick in agreement. "If you wanna teach em you're welcome to."

Roger looked at the guitarist a moment longer, what if he stuck around? Roger had a feeling he might. Would people think he was the baby's dad? Probably, that wasn't so bad was it? What if the baby thought he was it's dad? Better than knowing who Tim was.

Maybe that would be for the best, they could be almost a family then.

Or maybe he was just being selfish, Brian had every right to find a sub and settle down with a family of his own.

Roger didn't even consider that Brian had no intention of it.


	8. Dark Verse 1971; Chapter 2

Charlie was born looking very little like his father. A small mercy in what was still a lot of trouble, but Roger would take it. The little thing was a sub, all small and blue eyed, no hint of the malice that he was related to.

Roger wasn't going to tell him about Tim, poor baby didn't need to know about his father. He seemed happy enough now, had uncles that could help look after him, the band (now on an indefinite break) was still all living together, now with Charlie.

Brian had stood in to claim him, pretending that Charlie was his, just about getting away with it too - he was so much like Roger it was easy to believe his genes were just hidden. They weren't a couple though, they didn't feel like a couple, they were just friends.

And it didn't feel good.

Brian wanted to be there more properly for Roger, they technically already had a child - they didn't need to have more. He could still vaguely be a father, more or less.

Tim was still a problem, they'd only given him a five year sentence: he could get out and find them. But for now, they could break in the new decade without any hindrance.

They might even be able to get a bassist, find a way to make the band work, just maybe.


	9. Dark Verse 1971; Chapter 3

"I'll go grab the bag, you two head to the hospital," Freddie told them, leaving John to drive a now labouring Roger away. "I'll phone your mum about Charlie too."  
He didn't wait for a reply, rushing in to unlock the door and pack as much as he could that he thought was necessary. Quickly he dialled up Winifred, telling her to keep a hold of her first grandson a while longer, that Roger's waters had gone during the EMI meeting.

He waited a moment longer, not sure as to why. He'd have to get the bus over to them, but that didn't matter right now.

***

Brian drove into the street, faintly seeing a familiar face running to get on the last bus. He did wonder what Freddie was doing - he'd never have been seen dead on public transport. But then again, they'd all had to move on.

The house was empty when he entered, no Roger... But perhaps that was for the best, he'd hate him. If he found him, Roger would probably pull the trigger himself.

So to speak.

He found a picture from a few months ago, one of the last he'd taken, wrapped a stupid little blanket he'd bought for the baby, something he knew would never be used, around it.

Then he just drove.

He pulled the handbrake when he got to the bridge, looking again at the photo in his lap. Roger had been pregnant then, he could see it so clearly now - he'd been glowing and smiling. All the things that Brian had already taken away from him.

A tear fell onto the photo, running down Roger's grin, the way his hair seemed golden in the shit lighting of the night. That night.

Before this.

He only looked up to make sure there was no one there, looking back to the photo and blanket as he lowered the hand brake and put his foot down.

"I'm so so sorry."


	10. Dark Verse 1973; Chapter 4

"I can't do this," Roger was holding John into him, trying to calm himself with his scent, even if it wasn't the smell he needed.

Wasn't the person he needed.

"I'm sorry, Rog, but you have to. For your baby," John swept his hair back, "I know he's not here, bit that doesn't matter now, okay?"

"But he thought... Ow..." He let out a sob in pain, whimpering into John's shoulder, "He thought they wouldn't make it... He really thought that."

"He could have been wrong, darling," Freddie said from somewhere behind them, "Just superstition maybe?"

"He was so sure though. He wouldn't have gone if he wasn't sure."

"Rog i-"

"Could I've a word with you?" A stern ward sister came in, looking at Freddie, "You're allocated Dom, right?"

"Yeah," he glanced with John. He hoped this wasn't the legal stuff, or anyone trying to do anything nasty, "Sure."

The tall woman, a Dom with a sour expression, led him away a little while, up to a quite part of the corridor. "We've come about someone who has him as an emergency contact. Given the situation this is being handed over to you."

"Emergency contact? Who? Charlie?" But the boy was with Winifred, unless something had happened to them both.

"No, a man called Brian May. He's been brought into the main building with suspected suicide. He's in critical condition."

"No, no you've got the wrong one," Freddie shook his head quickly, "Our one isn't here, he hasn't been for months "

"they found this among his belongings," she handed him the waterlogged photo, still painfully recognisable as Roger. "They'll see if he's able to survive surgery."

"Shit, fuck," Freddie took off back to Roger's room, bursting in to the shock of the two subs, "They found Brian."

"Really?" John looked at him, "Where is he? Is he coming?"

He could see Roger tensing up, holding his breath for entirely different reasons to contractions.

"He tried to commit suicide... Rog I'm sorry."


	11. Dark verse 1973; Chapter 5

Roger had barely managed. It all nearly went wrong so many times, but after many long hours the baby was born, surprisingly healthy.

Roger kept looking at him, this tiny thing with tiny dark curls and an expression he'd have recognised a mile away as Brian's.

"Where is he?" Freddie and John had stopped giving him updates a while ago - which had to mean something bad had happened, "Intensive care? Still in surgery?"

"Have you picked a name out?" Freddie ignored him, eyes red. "What does he look like? A Jack? A Will?"

"He looks like his dad." Roger snapped, "Where is he? You can't tell me he drive off a fucking bridge and then nothing else."

"Roger..."

"I can handle it, what is it? Coma? Lost a limb?" The baby wasn't enjoying the anger, crying loudly, not that Roger was in a place to stop, "Has he gone again? Does he know he has a son?"

"Calm down," John forced him to lie back, "Listen, okay? Things were very serious... Too serious."

"What's that mean?"

"There were too many injuries, he'd spent too much time under the water."

"Lack of oxygen."

"Hypothermia."

"Brain damage."

"Passed away."


	12. Dark Verse 1973; Chapter 6

He didn't really think after the words 'passed away'.

The next time he did it was like he'd been struck by lightning - like he'd woken up suddenly to realise it was all happening.

He was sat on a pre at a half empty church, Thomas pulled in close to his chest, Freddie and John either side of him, Brian's parents just in front.

He hadn't even noticed the coffin until then.

"There's no one here." He whispered, almost to himself.

Freddie rubbed his arm - this was the first time they'd heard him speak in three weeks. "We're here. He'd have wanted that."

It was left unsaid that suicide wasn't considered right - that the funeral couldn't be counted because of it.

"I want him back." Roger shook his head, "I want him back."

"Roger," John shifted closer too, "Let me take Tom, so you can have a minute."

Roger stared at him, was he meant to let go? He couldn't understand it - he didn't want to let go. He looked down at Tom too, a tiny little carbon copy he was expected to look at for the rest of his life and not feel guilty.

Charlie was still with his grandma, but he'd been asking where Brian was since the moment he left - he'd need to be told. So many people needed told.  
He couldn't do this.


	13. February 1978

"I can't believe she's two already," John told him, "They've all grown up so fucking fast. How did the twins get to four?"

"God knows, they're all still babies to me though," Roger smiled, hugging John, letting the younger man relax as much as possible with the bump, "I never thought I'd have three kids, lovely little things they are."

"Are you not going to try until you get an omega? That would be so cute, Rog. They'd be just like you."

"Liam is already just like me," Roger smiled, "Well he's three, but he's just a troublemaker, him and Tom are absolute angels when they get on, but when they bicker."

"Tom's just delicate, a lot like his dad. I have the same with Amber, she just goes at it with confidence, but suddenly gets all nervous."

"Rachel's so far been a good mix, very gentle, but very strong too." Roger told him, feeling a kick on John's side, "Whatcha think this one will be?"

"I don't know, sub? Feels like that. Freddie thinks boy, but I guess we'll find out by next week," John said after a moment's thought, "This is just the best, isn't it? I mean we've actually made it as a band, we have families. It's just great."


	14. May 1980

“So the new baby is going to have a birthday two weeks after Rachel?” Tom asked, sitting by his mum, “And only three weeks before Liam?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Why am I the only one born in autumn?”

“Unlucky timing, I suppose,” Roger shook his head, letting his seven year old lean against him, “Have you been up to much today then?”

“Yeah, we went with daddy to Uncle Freddie’s, Amber and Liam messed around on the piano, Jude and Rach had a tea party for their teddy bear kids.”

“Teddy bear kids? They’re four and six,” Roger smiled, “I hope your dad at least got photos.”

“Yeah, Uncle John was there too but Richie had a sick bug from nursery so they were away from everyone else,” Tom continued, “But we slid a picture under the door for him.”

“Poor thing, yeah, we had all the sick days with you guys, it’s always awful seeing you bubs ill, dad always panics,” Roger told him, showing him where the baby was kicking so he could feel, “What did you get up to then? Everyone else paired off.”

“Dad and Fred found their old costumes, the jewellery and nail polish too,” He showed his mum his pinkies, one white, the other black, “It was all really pretty stuff.”  
“I remember, god, the amount of gay doms that went up to them after shows for it,” Roger laughed, “The media hated it.”

Toms face dropped - he’d only really heard the word gay at school, it was what you were called if you were the slowest at running or answered something stupidly.  
It wasn’t good whatever it meant.

“Why did they not like it? I thought it was all very pretty and shiny, like a princess would wear, and the big shirts flowed about when I wore them.”

“Love, they were sub clothes, that’s all - they just looked a bit odd wearing them,” Roger rubbed his back, “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure papa will let you wear what you like too.”


	15. December 1980

Roger thought back to that day nine years earlier, they day after his first ever time with Brian, well before all four kids and the the records and money.

Back when they were doing any gigs they could, even in the middle of snowstorms.

He looked out to the garden, just as he had then, back when he imagined some kids playing in the snow while Brian cleared the path.

Now it was his reality - and nothing more could make him happy.

Little Maggie, their newest and only omega baby, fast asleep against his chest in the carrier he had on, whispy blonde hair starting to grow back in, first Christmas soon too. He kissed her head as he boiled the kettle, no doubt four sets of could fingers would be after hot chocolate to warm up with once the path was cleared.

Glancing out, Liam and Rachel, five and four respectively, were trying to kill eachother with snowballs, reasonably unsuccessfully as the snow was too powdery. But they were managing to get the snow onto the parts of the path Brian had just cleared, much to Tom's amusement - he wasn't helping much, refilling the bird feeders.

Roger smiled as he could Brian's eye, he really couldn't be happier.


	16. January 1972

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (So I sort of forgot about this bit and should have added it in order but didn't oops

The radio that morning had good news: the snow was clearing. 

It had been a few days since the incident and they'd been stuck in place the whole time. Brian held Roger to his chest, spooning him from behind hoping to create some heat source, still dozing slightly in the relatively early morning.

Roger was happy to just lie in. The snow was clearing, but Roger had his doubts whether things would start up that day. Tomorrow, sure, but Roger decided to focus on the now; he cuddled a bit closer to Brian, ignoring the sounds of the outside for now.

Or at least that was the plan. 

A harsh knocking on the front door disturbed that. "Can you stop fucking for thirty seconds and let me in?!" Freddie's voice cut through the tranquility, "I know you're busy but John's just died of hypothermia and my nads are blue!"

Roger groaned and rubbed his face. Goddamn it… so much for sleep. "I'm coming," he called, slipping out of the bed and grabbing the clothes beside it. Roger tugged his pants and shirt on, wandering downstairs and opening up, to have Freddie and John basically fall into him. "Jesus Christ, settle down. It's too early for you to have this much energy."

"Yeah well I had to get public transport so we all have to make sacrifices." Freddie huffed. "Have a nice time?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Just come in." Roger waited for John to shuffle inside, before closing the door. "Brian should be down soon… well, I think, I didn't actually bother him, but I don't think anyone can sleep through you."

"Not even going to tell me about it - how boring." Freddie flopped onto the sofa. 

By now, Brian was wide awake and dressed, "Don't you have an indoor voice? A mute button would suffice."

"He's Freddie Mercury," John reasoned. "All or nothing with him. Loud and proud." 

"Indeed." Roger sat down on the other side of the couch. "No, we don't need to tell you about it. What have you presumed it was anyway?"

"Well while we had to fight for our survival in the cold, I presumed you were getting jollied off to your heart's content. Am I wrong?"

Roger sighed softly. "Brian… helped me through my heat, yes. But it was more than that."

Brian walked over, taking Roger's hand. "We're not giving it a label, it's too new. But it is serious."

"...serious?" John looked between them both. 

"We really care about each other, we have for a long time," Roger explained. "We just… let us do us, alright? We're still Roger and Brian, just now we won't be so awkward all the time."

"Thank God. The tension was killing me. I'm happy for you though." Freddie nodded. Brian had to smile, everything was looking up for once.

"Yes, we're relieved too." Roger looked at Freddie and John. "So how was your time alone then?"

"Stuck in a pub for five days. Yeah, loved that," Freddie gave him a look. It hadn't been the best experience of his life, but he had got closer to John because of it.

"Yeah. Not so fun." John shook his head. Secretly, he was a bit.. happy things worked out this way. He and Freddie bonded, and Rog and Bri REALLY bonded. "But we're home now, thank goodness. Things can be a bit more normal.”

"I should think so." Brian nodded. "So, what's everyone's plan for today? I'm guessing myself and John should be going to our own flats for a bit," he didn't want to leave, but now the roads were at least open he could grab a change of clothes.

"Suppose that's a good idea." Roger looked up at Brian. "Dreadful place that it is. Shame you can't just hole up here with me and Fred."

"I just might," Brian looks down at Roger, "I really wouldn't mind spending more time with you."

"Neither would I." Roger smiled, his eyes twinkling a little.

"Roger, dear, isn't that a decision that involves me?" Freddie asked. "I mean… God, why are you giving me that look?" Roger had a great pouty face, and he could do it without even trying.

"Well, I'm going home before somebody gets preg-" John stopped himself when he remembered what Fred had told him. "Before someone gets fucked."

"Right… okay." Roger nodded a little. "Glad you made it back in one piece, Deacy. Call and let us know you made it home that way too."

"Will do," John gave everyone a nod before leaving. "I might be back later on if the roads stay good."

"See you then." Roger watched him leave, then looked back at Freddie. "...please? Bills would be easier on us all, and I'd still cuddle you sometimes, I'll always need you, Fred."

"Hmm, fine. But you NEED to use the sock on the door handle rule or else," Freddie could hear himself sounding like a tired parent whose child was wanting a pet.

"I'm happy you pair go yourselves in order, but I in no way want to walk in on anything."

"Okay, okay, I promise." Roger smiled up at Brian. "Guess you can start packing up then."

"I'd love that," somehow Brian knew that the relationship would be strong. Even if they ended breaking up, he knew that they would've been together for ages first. "It'll be nice to see your beauty every day."

"And your rugged handsomeness," Roger cooed, kissing his chin. 

"This was probably a poor decision," Freddie mumbled, rubbing his forehead. But he was really happy they were happy. He just hoped it wouldn't make John feel even more pushed aside.

"Actually," Brian had been thinking about John's separation too. "When does the lease agreement fall through? Is it at the end of term?"

"Mmhmm… why?" Roger sat back a bit. "You think we should upgrade? I don't know if we could afford it."

"What about the tiny little places off campus? They're two bedrooms, probably the same as this otherwise, if John's lease is the same he could come too, then we wouldn't have to pay to hire the hall for practicing as a band.

"Yeah… the four of us could bunk together, two and two." Roger smiled and nodded along. "Sounds brilliant, Brian." He looked to Freddie. "One of the many reasons to keep him around. He thinks of stuff like this.

"I'm not against sharing with John." Freddie thought it over for a second - it would probably be cheaper for them. "He'll not steal my clothes so much."

"But I still will." Roger promised, poking his side with a little grin.

"Git." Freddie shook his head, laughing a bit, "The pub said we can play there again, they were quite happy with us even after the little hiccups."

"We probably drew in their best crowd and profits for an age," Roger reasoned. "I hope they spread the word about us.”

"I think the owner liked us. Definitely liked John even after nearly ending up in a pub fight."

"Oh dear." Roger smiled a bit. "Standing up for himself again, was he?"

"Yeah, pack of about twenty of them," Freddie exaggerated, "they thought he was my Dom, but he wouldn't let them go about the slurs. Quite impressive actually."

"That's John summarized," Roger mused. "Poor bastard. I mean, we all are, really."

"Yeah, but I never realised how deep rooted the problem went." Learning what had happened to John had woken Freddie up to certain things. "It's the whole planet that's wrong."

"Agreed." Roger smiled. "That's what Queen is about. Showing the world they don't have to conform because we sure as hell don't."

"We can get to know eachother better," Brian pointed out, hands on Roger's shoulders. "For all I've known you pair for ages I don't really know Deaky, or much about you two before uni."

"He's a brilliant guy," Roger agreed. "We've had some nice sub chats but there's always more to learn. I'm interested in more about you too, my little space genius."

"Well, why don't you come over to help me pack? Let Freddie get sorted after being away in peace." Brian asked, tracing one of the planes of Roger's cheekbone.

"Sounds delightful." Roger got up, kissing his hand, before turning to Freddie. "I'll bring dinner home, love."

"Thanks, darling." Freddie blew him a kiss as he went to his room. "If I have time I'll try sort out some spaces for poodle based things."

Roget just giggled and wandered out with Brian. It was surprising to him how many big personalities fit into one band. But maybe that was what made them work together so well, being able to have a huge presence, as individuals and together.


	17. 1982

Maggie looked around as the group walked up the hall. She was in Freddie's arms, her siblings trailing between Fred and John as they hunted for the room number. Margaret knew that her mummy had to come here to have a baby, but it seemed like everyone here was sick; She'd even seen someone crying. Was her mummy and the baby okay? 

"Freddie?" Maggie looked up at him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Is mummy okay? The baby was hurting him before."

"You're mummy is perfectly fine, darling," Freddie walked so that they stayed in line, since Liam and Rachel had already tried to run ahead twice. "Babies hurt mums sometimes but it's all normal. You were the same, so we're your siblings, and John was the same with your cousins."

“AM the same,” John glanced at him, nearly eight months pregnant, Tom helping him up the stairs more than being led, “But don't worry, loves. It's going to be quite a nice visit."

"I bet it's a boy baby," Liam stated. 

"No, a girl," Rachel replied. It was going to be the tie breaker between two and two.

"Either way, they'll be just as lovely as you four." Freddie gave them a smile. The door was in the distance now, "Hey, Tommo, do you wanna go give the door a knock? See if they're ready for us."

Tom nodded and walked up. He gave a few raps, opening up when he heard the soft "come in" from the other side

"Hey Tommo," Brian watched as the others came in behind. "Do you guys wanna meet your baby sister?"

"I knew it was a girl," Rachel chirped with a grin, while Liam huffed softly. 

"Wanna see, wanna see," Maggie said, beaming. It was her first time being a big sister and all.

"Mags, come with me," Brian took his youngest onto his lap, being the smallest of the four she wouldn't know how to hold a baby so he'd best help. "Now careful and keep her neck supported like we talked about." Tommy was stuck to his side, like usual, and Liam and Rachel were between him and Roger.

Roger adjusted the little blanket around his newest baby. A lovely little girl, weighing a healthy eight pounds. She was born with dark hair, which would either lighten or darken, as all the other babies' had. Roger couldn't have been happier with the little bean.

"Here she is." Roger kissed her head and moved the baby to their arms. "Meet your baby sister, Cecilia."

They all crowded around, cooing and kissing her head. "She's very pretty." Rachel commented, before her brother could get an opportunity to say all babies looked wrinkly. 

"Mummy?" Maggie looked over, "are you alright now?"

"I'm fine, baby," Roger promised her. "Tired, but just fine. I just have to rest here a day or two."

Maggie nodded, leaning into her dad as the baby shuffled her arms. "We better get our lot back from Miami," Freddie nodded towards himself and John, then to the door, "Congratulations though.”

"Thanks, Freddie, John." Roger smiled back at them. "See you soon, I'm sure."

Brian gave them both a grin, thanking them as they went. He looked back to his own family, ever thankful he took that leap all those years ago. "You know what? You're all absolutely perfect."

"Thanks, I know," Liam replied, grinning up at him. 

"You say 'thank you', snot," Rachel told Liam flatley.

"Give over the pair of you." Tommy shot them a look - being the responsible older sibling. "I think she looks more like mum."

"Mm." Roger looked back at the little one. "A bit, yeah. But she might grow more into papa's looks. We'll see." 

"She's very sleepy," Maggie noted, as the little one had hardly stirred in her arms.

"She'll spend a lot of her first few months sleeping and eating, but once she grows up enough she can play with you." There was a bit of a jump in ages between Maggie and Cecilia and the older three, mostly from when they'd struggled to conceive for some time, but they would probably still be strong friends above it, they’d have got through anything in the end.

"Good, cuz she'd be very boring otherwise." Maggie gently held the baby's hand, happy when little Cecilia held her hand back.

"You just gotta give her some time to get there Mags," he kissed Maggie's head, moving his arm under hers to support the baby.

"Yeah, you guys took some time to get fun," Tommy told her, wincing a little when Cecelia started to wail softly. "Oh dear..."

"Hey hey," Brian managed to rock her slightly into just whimpering but likely she was just hungry, "Rach, you wanna pick her up and pass her to mummy?"

"Alright, papa." Rachel carefully scooped up the little one, hushing her and gently setting the baby in her mother's arms. "Sweet baby, drink up your milk."

"You're a good big sister," Roger told her, adjusting his gown to let Cecelia feed. "Have to show Maggie the ropes."

"I will, I promise." Rachel nodded, perching on the bed. 

"We know you will, all of you are such brilliant siblings to each other and you're going to be the same for Cecilia too."

Maggie was just watching in fascination. Seeing the baby happily suckling away, it was something she'd never really seen, she was the youngest all round. Just the idea of the little thing was sort of intriguing to her. "How do you guys make such good babies?" she asked, just after Roger had pulled Cecelia back to wipe her mouth.

"Good genetics," Brian answered, hoping she wasn't going to ask where babies came from generally. "You guys just got the best of both of us."

"Genetics?" Maggie stuttered awkwardly. 

"It's something you'll understand when you're older," Roger told her. "But it's the part of us that blends together, the part that gives you papa's curls and my eyes."

"It's why you've all become such good people, you're mama's got you covered." Brian smiled at them. "Did you have a nice time at your uncles house?"

"Yes, we played with all of Freddie's cats," Maggie told Brian with a smile. "He has a new one. She's a baby named Blue."

"He's going to end up with more cats than children," Brian shook his head, smiling. "Would you guys like a pet? Not now with the new baby, but soonish?"

"Yes, I've always wanted to get a dog," Liam told him, perking up. "We'd take good care of it and everything."

"We'll have to have a think about it, but I'm sure you will take excellent care of it," They had already talked about it and decided that they would get one around Christmas time, but the kids would get riled if there was a time limit.

"We'll be extra good then," Rachel decided. 

"Don't get too ahead of yourselves," Roger chuckled, gently rubbing Cecelia's chest to keep the little infant calm. "Put in your best effort, of course, but we don't expect you to be perfect all the sudden."

"We'll love you no matter what you do." Brian rubbed Tom's arm, letting the boy perch on the arm of the chair half leaning on him. "Rog, you want me to get them back? It's getting quite late."

Roger nodded along. "Say goodnight to Cecelia, kiddos.

There was a gentle chorus of goodnights, each kissing the baby's head and their mummy's cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, my love's." Brian pecked Roger's lips, then the baby's forehead as he put Maggie on his hip and took Rachel's hand.

"See you tomorrow, babe." Roger watched them all trail out, looking back at little Cecelia. This was some of his favorite times. One on one, the evening spent with his little one. It had scared him the first time he had a night without Brian, but there was something soothing about it now. "That was your family, baby," Roger said softly, caressing her cheek. "Lovely people. I'm so glad you're one of them now. They love you as much as I do. Always will."


	18. dark Verse 1989

"Your grandchild is getting on my nerves," Tom sat down heavily beside him, "I'm about done with this whole thing."

"Not long now, love," Roger promised, "Did John help you build everything?"

"Yeah, the cot and pram. I feel bad though, dragging him away from uncle Freddie," Tom admitted, "He's stopped nearly calling me Brian now."

"It'll probably creep back in once the bump is gone, you've got the same wiry build," Roger didn't even try to think about it, "He'd be proud, I think. If he was still alive."

"I doubt it, I'm seventeen and alone with a baby due in a month, I doubt anyone would be proud."

"I'm proud too, I'm not ecstatic about it, but I'm proud that you've handled it so well, that you've finished school with enough qualifications to get to uni when you can," Roger gave his hand a squeeze, "You're a lot more like him than you think."

"I hope she is too... Freddie was telling me about him, he wanted company during the chemo and John just breaks his heart," Tom explained, "He said he was a good man."

"The best." Roger nodded, "Your girl will probably end up with the same curls as you and Brimi."

"Actually I wanted to talk to you about that... Could I call her Brienne? I want dad to be part of her life too.'

Roger nodded, eyes stinging. Even after so many years he didn't feel better.

**Author's Note:**

> So some of these are going to be dead short, depends on what they were and from where I cut/ made them up from.
> 
> Largely these are written by just me (pluto), but the characters and ideas are still co-owned by the wonderful Softnsquishable, and she did help write up some of these (those will be credited as they appear).
> 
> Hope you enjoy 'em!


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